...I mean my life as a teacher, not that I teach about life. I mean, I could teach about life if you wanted me too. At least the parts that I've experienced. I'm sure I could throw in some stories from other people's experiences to make it a little more rounded.


Anyways.

I know you've all been wondering, "so what does she DO, exactly?"
Well, I do many things. 
The hardest part to understand is that I teach at three different places: 
PUBLIC SCHOOL:
1. Shougakou, which means Elementary school. Besides the main shougakou in town here at Funehiki, there are several rural elementary schools that I visit within a 10-15 mile radius. Here I teach two classes for about 50 minutes each, any grade between 1-6. Because I work with two other ladies, sometimes we team teach these classes. When we arrive we enter the building, take off our shoes in the genkan and switch to indoor shoes. We knock on the Kocho-sensei's door (principle) and say "shitsureishimasu!" which means "excuse my rudeness." We are served either green tea or coffe, and usually sit and chat for about 15 minutes. Two kids from the grade we're teaching come into the office to fetch us for class. As we leave the office we say "shitsureishimashita!" which means "excuse me for the rudeness I committed." 
WAKAKUSA (A private school):
2. Yochien: kindergarten. I teach between 2-3 classes in one day, each about 30 minutes long. They are either 4yr old or 5 yr old classes. This is the structure directly across from my apartment. They also have students younger than these but we don't teach them. 
3. Wakakusa English School (The English School): This is an after-school program, extra classes for elementary kids whose parents want them to have more English study with native speakers. The Japanese teachers here give instruction about grammar, and also have separate classes for math. We teach between 1-3 classes per night for 50 minutes each, grades 1-6. They start at 4pm and go until 7pm. Additional classes for Jr. High students are from 7-8 which we also teach (currently I'm not teaching these classes). 

We are given curriculum and it is basically up to us to decide how we want to present the topic or grammar point. There are plenty of games, repeating after the teacher, and writing on the chalkboard. A few songs scattered here and there, but mostly we save those for the little kids. I've discovered that candy is a big motivator for shy students :) It is both fun and difficult to come up with stimulating and interesting activities for the kids to do. It's like a mom wanting her kids to eat healthy things without them knowing it...you want them to learn without them thinking they're learning something. 
For shougakou we are given an outline of suggested material, so it's up to us to provide games and flashcards. Other times we are basically given a script of what to teach and all they want us to do is harp on the kids over their pronunciation. 
At the yochein...basically just keeping their attention for a half-hour is a major feat. We practice drawing letters in the air, lots of moving around and motions for things. I've taken this opportunity to sneak in some sign language, especially for learning animals. They love it. 

Eventually I'll get some kind of video of my kids but for now, please enjoy these pictures and video!

If there’s one word I’m going to remember from 10th grade Biology its “binomial nomenclature.” I know, I know, that’s two words but work with me here. Basically it’s the system for naming plants and animals using Greek or Latin, assigning a genus and species. Thank you Mr. Fellows.

Regardless of whether or not you care about the biological community’s uber organized system, I think we can all agree we like to name things. Men name their cars. Women name children they haven’t even conceived. Kids name their stuffed animals. People name mountains, roads, buildings, bodies of water, bowling balls, cartoon characters, pets, imaginary friends, alternate personas, rocks, computers…the list goes on. Instead of describing the thing we’ve just discovered or made or imagined or conceived we give it a name. It’s gotta be a good one, too. It usually carries meaning, whether in the actual description of the item (i.e. “Green Mountain) or something that has a more abstract connection, like naming a car ‘Sabrina’ after your first girlfriend or a feeling/perceived relationship like ‘Buddy’ the dog. I’ve heard some crazy names and I’m sure you have, too. I’m not sure why we name things, other than making it easier to reference the object/being in question. Perhaps we’re trying to attribute a human characteristic to something that would otherwise be an inanimate deaf ear. Now that it has a name, we can talk to it, complain to it, encourage it….oh my, this is getting creepy.

All these things come into play when traveling oversees.

First of all, I can’t read everything that has already been named. Correction: I basically can’t read anything. To me, it looks like nothing  has been named and therefore it is up to me to finish the task.

Secondly, Japan doesn’t like to name things…like…I dunno…ROADS! Within a 10 mile radius of my town, Funehiki, there are a grand total of 3 roads that have names: Road 288, road 172, and road 19.

Boring.

You go through town and there are no street signs or street names…ever.

I even asked my Japanese friend who has a car if it is difficult to navigate without street names and she said yes…you just have to learn where everything is. If you get directions from someone they will include markers, names of buildings, etc. I later saw her driving with a GPS.

There are so many alleys and back streets and streets that look like driveways, I’m sure I would be royally lost in my own backyard.

Now, us Americans, the gaijin, like to go out…a lot. We go out to eat at least once, usually twice a week. We go to the grocery/dollar store at least twice a week. Someone usually goes to the home store and other grocer. Then there’s the frequently visited daifuku shop (a kind of yummy dessert), the eki (train station), the schools, and recently discovered Sanki (Kohl’s, only better and cheaper). These are all in different directions and on different roads. Of course there are different ways to get to all of these places, too…keep that in mind. When someone learns of a new place they have to give directions, and the only way to do it is to say, “You know that road that goes over the river? I mean the one with the blue bridge, not the blue bridge with the yellow footbridge. You take a left on that road, then when you get to the main road that FunePa is on (I mean the front of FunePa) you take a right, pass the daifuku shop and before you get the car dealership you take a left….it’s past the post office. Remember that one time that me and you and so-and-so went to that one Izakaya in the white house by the Pachinko? Yeah, that’s the road.  “

It’s annoying, for sure.

Okay, you get the idea. Let’s not forget the back roads/alleys/bridges we use everyday. Much more fun to try and describe those. So, with the lack of naming happening in Japan, we have brought more Western ideas across the ocean and started naming a few things. We’re quite inventive.

The alleyway that is always crossed with invisible sticky webs during the summer was commonly called “Spider Alley” but recently named “Sunshine Alley” in an effort to give the newcomers a positive impression.

The dirt pathway that goes in front of our apartment complex and between houses and the Yochien is now called West Gutter Pass. It goes East-West and there’s an open gutter on one side. The “West” is actually an acronym for Wakakusa English School Teachers. Nice, huh?!

The large road (TWO designated lanes!!! And TWO street lights!) that lights the path to many shopping places, our favorite sushi restaurant, and the former karaoke business is called “Big Stuff Boulevard.”

That quote is from the movie, "Cool Runnings," and if you haven't seen it then go rent it. Right now. 

Japan has some random stuff, it's true. 

They have so many convenient things like mass transit, vending machines on every corner, taxis with automatic doors, quick bike locks, the list goes on. It's the everyday things that you come to appreciate and even expect here in Japan as it becomes part of your everyday life. One of those things is a heated toilet seat. It seems silly and I admit, right now I would agree with you. It's almost 80 degrees inside my house and here I am scorching my tush on the john. I mean, really, how long do you ACTUALLY sit there, in relation to time you spend in other parts of the house. I'd rather Japan spend that toilet technology and energy to create something a little more practical and useful like....I dunno....say....INSULATION!!! 

Japanese houses are either not insulated or poorly insulated. They also use kerosene heaters, electric space heaters, and electric wall heaters (not the kind in America. These are AC units and heaters all in one, positioned at the top of the wall in a corner.) Your typical Japanese bathroom consists of a bathtub and shower area. The toilet and sink are actually in another part. Needless to say there's no room in either of these places to put a heating unit, wall unit or space unit or otherwise. The solution to providing these tiny areas with warmth during the cold winter months lies in a single element: the toilet seat. That's all you get folks, enjoy it while it's hot (pun intended). 

In my Japanified apartment my toilet is actually in the bathroom, but there's still no room for anything else. My apartment owner, bless his heart, thought it would be a great idea to install new AC/heating units in the rooms. Fabulous. That happened about 3 weeks ago and I've used both the heater and the AC functions. They work beautifully. 
Most recently, he bestowed upon us another gift: heated toilet seats. Wowzers! That installation was just completed a few days ago and you know what? I could have waited until about October for that to happen. I don't know how to shut it off!!! It's so warm and uncomfortable in the summertime. 
But wait! There's more! This particular seat comes with extra functions. 

Bidet. Yep. that crazy French word that no one really knows about...
It washes your bottom with water, basically. Sound weird, I know. Everyone secretly inside wants to know what it's like and I'm just gonna say, no amount of explanation can take the place of the real experience. It's like this: 

Doesn't look like much, eh? If you look at the top picture, the spray function is that little device just under the back of the seat. In the second photo, please take note that the "bidet" function is for women only. You can make your own deductions for that one. There's "spray" and "soft" flow options as well. Each has an oscillating function and a 5 range strength of the water flow.  The only thing I've found to be a problem is the lack of a "dry" function. There are basically three options I've come up with: 
1. Wave a little air in that direction and hope for the best. Zip up and it's probably not bad enough to go through your jeans.
2. Use some TP to wipe off any excess wetness. The problem with this is that TP is meant to dissolve in water...hmm...
3. Air dry. This can be a bit time consuming and awkward.

So, I don't use the spray/bidet function on my toilet. Too bad. I vote that we all go back to the simplicity that should come from a toilet. Let's leave the fancy stuff for something worth it...like improving the drying machines. In fact, I would gladly sacrifice my heated toilet seat for a dryer that actually dried my clothes. I guess it's easy for me to say now...we'll see what song I'm singing once winter comes around...

Izakaya-whata?

Have you ever been to an Izakaya? You should go. In fact, if you’re ever in Beaverton, OR, I suggest Yuzu (google it) and try to order as many things you don’t know as possible.

A local friend of ours recommended  a particular restaurant within walking distance last weekend so the whole team meandered downtown Funehiki at 7pm and walked into a white house-looking building behind a convenience store. Well-lit, the hostess showed us to our….table? No. Our partition? Maybe…

Take off your shoes and neatly line them up out of the way before you step up onto the tatami mats. Squish all the way to the end and carefully sit down on one of the flat floor cushions while sliding your legs under the table. Surprise! It has a cavern underneath so you don’t have to suffocate your feet for an hour…two hours….probably three hours. 

Comfy? Good. I’m sorry I can’t offer you a backrest. Okay, wait just a minute….here she comes….ah, yes, arigatou gozaimasu! You’ve just been handed a warm moist towel all rolled up like a cinnamon bun. Make sure you use it to wipe your hands thoroughly in all the nooks and crannies before you roll it up again and place it to the side. You’ll need it later, I promise.

Now, there are two menus in front of you: I’ll give you a hint: one is drinks, the other is food. Usually one person will give the orders in a restaurant so make sure you know what you want and then tell the designated ordering person. In our group, it’s whoever has the best Japanese skills J Like in America, drinks get ordered first. I hope you can read Japanese!

Ordering food is the easier part. Open up your menu and point to things. Don’t even bother asking what they are because it’s ALL good! One reason for this is because almost all of it is breaded and fried. No salads or calorie-counters allowed. If it’s not fried, it’s got some kind of great sauce on it, like yakiniku sauce. If it’s not fried or has sauce on it then it is wrapped in bacon. You just can’t go wrong there. Another reason why it won’t matter what you order: they usually come in small amounts at a time (one skewer of this, one skewer of that…) so if you don’t like it then give it to someone who will eat it and don’t order it again. Another common thing is sharing plates. Often plates of skewered fried veggies/meats arrive and everyone keeps eating until the next course arrives. Here’s a short list of things I’ve tried at 2 different izakaya’s so far:

Quail eggs wrapped in bacon
Asparagus wrapped in bacon
Mochi (cooked, doughy rice) wrapped in bacon
Fried shimp heads
Fried lotus root
Fried veggies including eggplant, onion
Raw horse sashimi (not fried and no sauce, just a bit of garlic and ginger)
Takoyaki (fried balls of somethings good and octopus)
Fried goodness (ball of cheese?, potato/starch thing and something else?)
Yakiniku (chicken skewers grilled with yummy sauce)
Cooked ika (squid)
Grilled piman (green pepper) with bonito flakes? (Dried fish flakes)
Fried….cake? Not sure what that was but it was good and had chocolate sauce on it.
Fried quail eggs
Fried chicken
Soba noodles with tuna/mayo and corn topping

Just keep on ordering things and don’t eat all at once…pace yourself, Grasshopper. It’s all about hanging out with people and enjoying the time together…and not working. Japanese people work very very hard, more than our little 40hr work weeks we think we’re entitled to have. So, they also “play hard.” This is a common and encouraged outlet for one to de-stress after a long week. Alcohol is usually involved but you will never see a drunk person behind the wheel…not even a bit tipsy. Everyone knows if you’ve been drinking you don’t drive. Period. You call a taxi. It’s almost like positive peer pressure—everyone’s doing it! The convenience of trains and other modes of mass transportation ensure that everyone gets home safe and sound.

Anyways, back to the restaurant.

When you have to use the restroom make sure you use the designated toilet shoes that are provided. You may pass other tables/partitions that house smoking individuals so if you have tobacco smoke allergies or sensitivity just remember…you’re not in Kansas anymore.

When the bill comes:

1.     Don’t expect it to be split up according to what you ordered. No, no, no. We’re all in this thing together, the Japanese way. The entire bill is split evenly among all parties. Dining with lightweights is an easy way to reduce your bill for next time.

2.     Don’t expect to pay with a credit card or debit card. Cash is the way to go not only here but also in the whole of Japan. It is largely still a cash society. Bring change.

3.     Make sure you have money left because it’s karaoke time!!!