In current news, the social networking giant Facebook has gone public with it’s company and is more valuable than ever. More and more people around the world sign up for a free account everyday, probably on par with the amount of people already using Facebook and complaining about how many times their profile or newsfeed setup has been rearranged to their disliking. Personally, I could care less about the latest and greatest change to Facebook though freely admit I’m resisting the switch to “timeline.” Most importantly I have temporarily suspended my Facebook access for an undetermined period of time.
My beef with Facebook is not Facebook itself, but how I am interpreting the information that my friends are posting about their lives. We’ve all seen it: I’m engaged, I’m married, I’m pregnant, I’m single, I just saw the most awesome movie, I just got a new job, I’m moving, I’m in love with this TV show, I went on an awesome hike, I love my puppy, my team won, and every other interesting and uninteresting detail about our lives. I know I’ve been part of it and I’m not condemning any of it, but I’ve come to realize that living in Japan and living in America at the same time is a little damaging to my mental and emotional health. Being on Facebook, even casually, makes me want to be there and be a part of your lives. “Liking” a status, posting a comment, and your reciprocation doesn’t fill the void I feel in my heart. Spending more time on Facebook doesn’t help either, in fact it makes it worse because logging off and returning to my “real” world here in Japan sharply reminds me that I can’t just finish work and go grab some coffee with you at Starbucks. I treasure my relationships with my friends and if you’re reading this then you know I’ve invested in your life and you’ve invested in mine. Quality time is the best way I know how to connect with people and Facebook can’t satiate that craving no matter what fancy application they buy next.
It is a true paradox, being bound to Facebook in order to keep in touch but in fact losing touch due to lack of interaction. Real interaction. The more stories and newsfeeds I read, the farther apart I feel. The loneliness made me retreat from my current living in Japan, pine for my job and friends in America and created some resentment towards my situation here. Of course I don’t want to feel that way about my job or my team, and I certainly don’t regret moving to Japan. I enjoy living here in this safe and hospitable country and I appreciate the opportunity to live overseas for 2 years. Decidedly the best way to deal with my inward struggle was to become less attached to the America that WAS and more focused on where I AM. This realization was the catalyst to abandon Facebook until I come up with a reasonable balance of communication with my friends at home.
My mother served two years in the Peace Corps back in the day, sent to the dry, dusty, and very third-world Yemen. It was not the dangerous rebel-rousing country it is today, of course. She sent letters to her family and close friends, probably to whoever took the time to write her back…including my dad. When I was a teenager I remember rummaging through some old tapes and noticed a few weren’t labeled. My dad and I popped them into the living room stereo system and a familiar voice boomed throughout the house. It was my mother, a younger version with a distinct Jersey accent, reading her journal aloud on tape so her parents and siblings at home could hear her voice and keep up with her adventures. No Facebook, no Skype, no acquaintances dropping a line. As I listened to it I thought, “How horrible! She was all the way across the world with primitive communication, weekly at best, and no thought of email or video chat.” My mom came from a corner of the house and realized what was playing. She ordered us to turn it off but we were having too much fun imitating her East Coast pronunciation of words like “cawffee.” I paused it long enough to ask, “When you came back, what happened to all of your friends?” “Well,” she started, “When you live so far across the world and for such a period of time people tend to go on with their lives without you. When I came back many of my friends were married, kids, new jobs, moved, you get the picture. So, I just went along with my life too.”
“That’s terrible!” I thought. “If I ever go overseas I’m going to keep in touch with all of my friends and when I get back it will be like I never left. Thank God for the Internet and the 21st century!” I now realized it’s both a blessing and a curse. My mom’s experience had truth in it even though it seemed to be from the stone age. Underneath the mask of which mode of communication you are using is a universal truth: time together makes people closer. How much time does it take to post a comment? About 2 seconds. How much time does it take to read a comment? About .5 seconds. How much time does it take to write a letter? 1-2 hours for me. How much time does it take to read a letter? About 10 minutes, usually more because I read it more than once. How much time is my average skype call? 1-2 hours. That’s even with people I Facebook on a regular basis.
You see, what’s invested in a relationship is so much more than just the information you’re giving and receiving, it’s the TIME you’re investing. I’ve decided to stop investing my seconds in small talk and comments, to save those for where I am now, not where I could be. Spending an hour of time browsing a hundred newsfeeds of a hundred different people is less valuable to me than a 10-minute real-time conversation. Of course I have no desire to trash all of my relationships in the states, I’m just not giving myself false hope to think that your lives are going to stop and reconvene when I return. I know I made a joke of it when I left and told my friends they weren’t allowed to get married or have babies for two years, but the truth is that we’re all changing. See you on the other side.
Again, I don’t know how long I will be MIA from Facebook, perhaps a week, a month, a year. I care about what’s going on in your life, but I also need to be fully here in my current relationships and not living my life with regrets of missing out.
Skype me, email me, or write me a letter when you’d like to invest some time in us. I’ll do the same.
My beef with Facebook is not Facebook itself, but how I am interpreting the information that my friends are posting about their lives. We’ve all seen it: I’m engaged, I’m married, I’m pregnant, I’m single, I just saw the most awesome movie, I just got a new job, I’m moving, I’m in love with this TV show, I went on an awesome hike, I love my puppy, my team won, and every other interesting and uninteresting detail about our lives. I know I’ve been part of it and I’m not condemning any of it, but I’ve come to realize that living in Japan and living in America at the same time is a little damaging to my mental and emotional health. Being on Facebook, even casually, makes me want to be there and be a part of your lives. “Liking” a status, posting a comment, and your reciprocation doesn’t fill the void I feel in my heart. Spending more time on Facebook doesn’t help either, in fact it makes it worse because logging off and returning to my “real” world here in Japan sharply reminds me that I can’t just finish work and go grab some coffee with you at Starbucks. I treasure my relationships with my friends and if you’re reading this then you know I’ve invested in your life and you’ve invested in mine. Quality time is the best way I know how to connect with people and Facebook can’t satiate that craving no matter what fancy application they buy next.
It is a true paradox, being bound to Facebook in order to keep in touch but in fact losing touch due to lack of interaction. Real interaction. The more stories and newsfeeds I read, the farther apart I feel. The loneliness made me retreat from my current living in Japan, pine for my job and friends in America and created some resentment towards my situation here. Of course I don’t want to feel that way about my job or my team, and I certainly don’t regret moving to Japan. I enjoy living here in this safe and hospitable country and I appreciate the opportunity to live overseas for 2 years. Decidedly the best way to deal with my inward struggle was to become less attached to the America that WAS and more focused on where I AM. This realization was the catalyst to abandon Facebook until I come up with a reasonable balance of communication with my friends at home.
My mother served two years in the Peace Corps back in the day, sent to the dry, dusty, and very third-world Yemen. It was not the dangerous rebel-rousing country it is today, of course. She sent letters to her family and close friends, probably to whoever took the time to write her back…including my dad. When I was a teenager I remember rummaging through some old tapes and noticed a few weren’t labeled. My dad and I popped them into the living room stereo system and a familiar voice boomed throughout the house. It was my mother, a younger version with a distinct Jersey accent, reading her journal aloud on tape so her parents and siblings at home could hear her voice and keep up with her adventures. No Facebook, no Skype, no acquaintances dropping a line. As I listened to it I thought, “How horrible! She was all the way across the world with primitive communication, weekly at best, and no thought of email or video chat.” My mom came from a corner of the house and realized what was playing. She ordered us to turn it off but we were having too much fun imitating her East Coast pronunciation of words like “cawffee.” I paused it long enough to ask, “When you came back, what happened to all of your friends?” “Well,” she started, “When you live so far across the world and for such a period of time people tend to go on with their lives without you. When I came back many of my friends were married, kids, new jobs, moved, you get the picture. So, I just went along with my life too.”
“That’s terrible!” I thought. “If I ever go overseas I’m going to keep in touch with all of my friends and when I get back it will be like I never left. Thank God for the Internet and the 21st century!” I now realized it’s both a blessing and a curse. My mom’s experience had truth in it even though it seemed to be from the stone age. Underneath the mask of which mode of communication you are using is a universal truth: time together makes people closer. How much time does it take to post a comment? About 2 seconds. How much time does it take to read a comment? About .5 seconds. How much time does it take to write a letter? 1-2 hours for me. How much time does it take to read a letter? About 10 minutes, usually more because I read it more than once. How much time is my average skype call? 1-2 hours. That’s even with people I Facebook on a regular basis.
You see, what’s invested in a relationship is so much more than just the information you’re giving and receiving, it’s the TIME you’re investing. I’ve decided to stop investing my seconds in small talk and comments, to save those for where I am now, not where I could be. Spending an hour of time browsing a hundred newsfeeds of a hundred different people is less valuable to me than a 10-minute real-time conversation. Of course I have no desire to trash all of my relationships in the states, I’m just not giving myself false hope to think that your lives are going to stop and reconvene when I return. I know I made a joke of it when I left and told my friends they weren’t allowed to get married or have babies for two years, but the truth is that we’re all changing. See you on the other side.
Again, I don’t know how long I will be MIA from Facebook, perhaps a week, a month, a year. I care about what’s going on in your life, but I also need to be fully here in my current relationships and not living my life with regrets of missing out.
Skype me, email me, or write me a letter when you’d like to invest some time in us. I’ll do the same.
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